I toy with the idea of writing a book, nothing serious. Basically a biography, only not really because no one wants to read the life story of a 22 year old who lived in Iowa. But fuck it, if Snooki can write (let’s be honest, she probably just dictated it) a book about her life then I can play with the idea of writing a book about shit from my life. Lets get to the good shit…without further ado I present to you a chapter listing for the book “Life as an Ectomorph”

1. My Grandmother Makes the Best Ambien Ice Cream Sundaes

2. So My Neighbor Turned Out to be A Gay Child Molester

3. That One Time My School Staged a Car Accident and a Funeral

4. How I Learned to Masturbate with a Screwdriver and the Sims

5. The Year I Suspected my Family were Secretly Aliens From the Edge of Space

6. If I had a Dollar for Everytime I Walked in on My Parents Fucking

7. My Dad Also Loves Ambien

8. I’m Offended You Only Gave My Sisters Death Threats

9. Let’s Talk About Why Cutters Shouldn’t Have Sex With Other Cutters

10. I’ve Only Been Attacked By Poodles

11. That One Time I Got Stoned and Thought The Zombie Apocalypse Had Begun

12. Brief Tales of My Irrational Fear of Being Impaled By Chucky the Doll From The Back of a Couch

13. The Day I Learned the Moon Wasn’t a Planet

14. Some People Carry a Gun to Feel Safe, I Carry a Lego Ninja

15. Wanna Borrow My Fleshlight? No, I’m Fine With Stealing Your Coat Out of Your Locker During Study Hall and Masturbating in It